Have you ever asked yourself, “What is my greatest fear that truly motivates me?” To some it may be obvious, to others perhaps the question will cause pause, but at some point each of us must answer the question. It shapes your character, values, and actions.
My greatest fear is losing a child through circumstances outside my control – which means I need to know the outcomes of those that would provide care in any capacity to my children. Having previously lost a child it is this fear that creates an almost debilitating anxiety in me when memories enter my mind, and I recall my countless inadequacies as a father, my selfish focus on career, and not being there on that fateful day. To this day I wish I could trade places with my son. It is simply unnatural for any parent to outlive their child.
I’m blessed to have a family and small network of friends and mentors that have supported me throughout my life. It is because of them and a simple sympathy letter from my father after Joshua’s death that gave me the courage to get back up. “Every day be the man and father that your son can be proud of”. Since 2004, despite at times falling short, I’ve tried.
I’ve learned it is not about conquering your greatest fear so it be forgotten, but rather courage is staring down your hearts greatest nightmare and not allowing your heart to fall. Courage is outward which keeps us going because we love someone other than ourselves. What gives courage? In my opinion, focus on these three things:
1) Mission – It’s not about me, it’s my desire to see someone become greater than me – what can you do to help them grow?
2) Community – A turtle never got on top of a fence post alone! No one succeeds without help from someone else. If you think “you got this” as an individual you’re mistaken – we all need mentors. What can you do for someone else in your community?
3) Love – How shall I act and what should I do? Love reorients our lives and gives us purpose. I encountered a love deeper than myself when I met my wife, had children, and recognized that to live a life of significance you have to give more than you receive. Love bears all things and reminds us to, “Every day be the person that those around you can be proud of.”
Because of my son’s medical journey, a new mission for me arose that led me to write a book and create a startup. My Doctor Knows, creates an environment where people can choose a doctor or hospital based on outcomes related to their specific medical condition. Rather than sitting on the sidelines all of us can do something. After all, shouldn’t every parent be able to choose the best doctor for their child based on the outcomes? What is your greatest fear that truly motivates you? Whether you’ve personally faced adversity or know someone that did, each of us can be boxers and give a hit back in the form of a selfless act. Will you courageously hit back too? A little selflessness can go a long way